SAY WHAT? We have to fight WHO?
by What2callmyself
Summary: The Reikai Tantei have gotten their hardest case yet! But maybe the case itself in not the hard part...but rather the people who are behind it! How can they win? Crazyness guaranteed to ensue.
1. First Chapter

April 8th, 2005!

Authors: What2callmyself and Titangirl161 (!)

A/N: Today we have come to pool our creative forces and definite insanity to share with you! The public! Dude! …current mood is likely to be partially responsible from the consumption of Vanilla Coke…which happened to be evil! EVILLLLLLLL! …and Titangirl161 also happens to hate her pants…due to the same evilnesss. And so! Here for your enjoyment or loss of sanity is our insane ficcy because we were hyper and felt like it! Mwuhahahahaha!Q!

_SAY _WHAT!_ We have to fight WHO!_

As Koenma sat at his desk furiously stamping 'important' paperwork, George busted in screaming, "Lord Koenma! The end is near!11111!"

Koenma's head immediately shot up and asked in a hopeful voice, "The end of my paperwork?"

"NO! The end of the world!"

"So what's new?"

"This!" replied George, shoving a folder in his face.

Koenma cautiously opened the folder, as he read his face became pale. "Oh no," he said gravely, "This is going to be the hardest case the Reikai Tantei could ever get. Worse, there is no way they can win."

**(-meanwhile, …elsewhere…somewhere…-)**

"NOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"BEG FOR YOUR LIFE YOU FOOL!"

"I AM A MAN AND I WILL NEVER BEND DOWN TO YOU!"

"STUPID WEAKLING! NOW YOU WILL DIE! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"AND YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BEAT ME! YOU'RE PATHETIC!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Jeez, suck it up already Kuwabara, quit being a baby!"

"Shut up Urameshi! You never would have beat me without those cheat codes!"

"I could beat you anytime anywhere!"

(_Yes, it was another fun filled educational day for the two delinquents who were too wise for school and spending the time at the local arcade. Notice, my friends, that that was completely sarcastic. ("Thank you lord for sarcasm!" –JTHM :n.n:) But eventually they got kicked out for being too loud since Kuwabara needed to learn the meaning of being quiet. So they took their skirmish outside to the local park, where they happened to stumble across the rest of their team.)_

**(The Park! Dun duna! And this is the scene that Yusuke and Kuwabara interrupted.)**

"Unhand me! NOW!"

"But I do not have my hands on you to unhand you."

"THEN CALL OFF YOUR DAMN VINES!"

"That does not seem like an appropriate course of action as you will undoubtedly take your anger out on the undeserving."

"DAMMIT! LET ME GO RIGHT NOW YOU BAKA KITSUNE!"

in come Yusuke and Kuwabara…the former wearing a look similar to this: o.O while the latter wore an outright: O.O ..look.

"Um…..what the hell's going on? Why is Hiei hanging upside while tied up by vines?"

"Are you playing a sorta weird game?" (Kuwabara)

Kurama replied as calmly as ever, "Do not mind him, he's just in a mood."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! THAT BAKA NINGEN INSULTED MY HAIR! I DEMAND VENGENCE!"

"Awww…are you having a bad day mister grumpy pants?" Kuwabara said being all condescending and such. (TWO POINTS! SWISH!)

**_GLARE! OF DOOM!_** –provided oh so kindly by the designated 'Mister Grumpy Pants' …which Kuwabara was smart in deciding to shut up and find a place to hide before the little monster broke free ….which was behind Kurama. (yes, we all know the value of human shields…especially those who could ward off annoyed fire demons)

Yusuke laughs hysterically at Hiei's expense, until he sees images of his brutal demise at the hands of the irate little demon and promptly closed his pie-hole. …and the purple glow due to Hiei's Jagan eye faded and continued his train of thought in private.

Before Kurama could start a decent conversation there was a mysterious fog that rolled in and was all mysterious like. (Yes, redundancy, fun and easy to do!) Then poof! There was teenager Koenma trying to look bad-ass but was cowering in fear. (COWER YOU FOOLS! COWERRRRRRRRRRRRR!)

(Please excuse this interruption, for your authoresses are now leaving to go to ICON, anime convention:n.n:)

(_Yay! I can now say I own Kurama three times over:n.n: …myabe not the rights to him…but…one thing at a time ne?)_

"Good. You're all here. You have a new case, and the toughest one you may ever have."

"Ha!" Yusuke scoffed, "I can take anyone! Bring 'em on!"

"Yeah! I, the great Kazuma Kuwabara, shall protect this world from the likes of the baddies!"

"Hn."

"What seems to be the problem?" Kurama asked.

"There's five people bent on world domination! We first found them wreaking havoc right outside of Tokyo! You have to stop them!"

"Pssh. This is gonna be easy! Go in, kick butt, and leave." Yusuke exclaimed.

"That's what you think! I don't even know if you can take this case and come out on the winning side!"

"WHAT?" Yusuke and Kuwabara shouted. Hiei glared…(after all, who is there that he can't beat?)

"Well then, who is causing the disturbances?" (Kurama,…duh…)

"Here!" And he shoves the folder at the four who open it and peer inside. Their mouths dropped open in surprise and horror.

_A/N: Mwuhahahaha! Cliffy!111111!111! Yes, this is end of the ficcy chapter, two is in the making…._

_Hope you enjoyed! Let's see if you can guess who it is (:n.n:)_


	2. Second Chapter

_April 9th, 2005_

_A/N: We are _BACK!_ Through the wonders of sleep deprivation and SUGAH! …though we must be really messed up to be typing on a computer when there's an anime convention and we are not out there buying STUFFS! O.O_

**CHAPTER TWOOOOOOOOWOOOOOOOOOO! (yes, we have issues,…and we know it…and GOSH DARN PROUD OF IT!)**

Recap: "Here!" And he shoves the folder at the four who open it and peer inside. Their mouths dropped open in surprise and horror. ….NOW ONWARD! PROGRESS I SAY!

"…" Then the outbursts began.

"SHIZURU!#!"

"KEIKO!"

"BOTAN?"

"GENAKAI?"

"YUKINA!#!WTF?&?"

Yusuke laughed weakly, "Haha, very funny."

Koenma sighed and said, "I'm perfectly serious."

"B-But! But! YUKINA!" Kuwabara screamed…(oh…you can tell he's traumatized all right) Hiei's eyes bugged out too. O.O –a miracle some would say. …And then Kuwabara continued to sob over Yukina…and maybe Shizuru…if he remembered…

Humoring him, Kurama asked, "So then why are they causing trouble Koenma?"

"I don't know," he answered gravely. (wait…why isn't he cowering in fear anymore? COWER! O.o)

"Can you tell us anything else?" Kurama inquired.

"All I know is that all five us are going, and we have to meet them at Genkai's temple or they will not stop."

Recovering over the shock, Yusuke said, "All right, let's head out."

"YUKINA! I WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF WITH THE POWER OF LOVE!" Kuwabara yelled and went bounding off to the temple, with everyone else behind him.

**(-Well now, I wonder where this is….it's not the temple…nah…. All right maybe it is.-)**

When the guys arrived they found the girls waiting out in front of the temple. The sight before them caused both Kuwabara and Yusuke to trip up the last of the steps in shock at what they saw. The others hid their looks of surprise better than our favorite delinquents.

Keiko, Botan, and Yukina were wearing black goth/ninja outfits, Botan had even died her hair to match. Shizuru, unexpectedly wore a pink and frilly similar outfit…hey! What could she do? They didn't have her size in black! And Genkai,…well, she was just…Genkai. She's too old to care about clothes.

Yusuke's jaw dropped and yelled, "H-O-L-Y CHEESE ON RYE!" followed by a lecherous grin, "those are some really nice pants Keiko!" Keiko then proceeded to run up and slapped him into the ground. Yusuke was swirly eyed. .

Botan smirked evilly, -a better evil smirk than any evil smirk that has ever dared to be smirked evilly!- and said in a jeering tone, "So it seems you have decided to show up. If you didn't come soon we were ready to cause more damage."

"What are your reasons for doing this?" Kurama questioned.

"After we have humiliated you, we'll think about telling you," Yukina answered bitingly.

"B-B-B-BUT! MY SWEET INNOCENT YUKINA! WHY?#?" –Kuwabara.

"Yusuke and Hiei are right, you are an idiot."

Kuwabara did a nice anime fall and commenced in a crying fit on the floor. Everyone else stared at Yukina: O.O!

"All right you losers!" Shizuru said, "Here's the deal. We'll be fighting one-on-one battles." She then smirked and dragged the still crying Kuwabara screaming and kicking away to bash his head in.

Botan took out her oar and looked over at Koenma, daring him to refuse. He didn't and walked with her.

Yusuke still had his evil grin and said, "So you're going to fight me? How cute." Keiko smoothly slapped him silly again and dragged him off while he was too dazed to complain or be lecherous. Yukina looked pointedly at Hiei who silently followed where she led.

The last two looked calmly at each other. "It's just you and me now."

Kurama agreed, "Yes, it appears we are the odd ones out."

Genkai shrugged, "We'll go inside for this. Do you want some tea?"

He answered, "Yes, thank you."

And so the matches were determined, and the battles ready to start. What will happen now? OH THE SUSPENSE! (:n.n:)

A/N: Cliffy time! Though…we'd really like some reviews. Puh-wease! (puppy dog look) …speaking of which, today we fulfilled one of our life goals of tweaking Inuyasha's ears and even made him sit! (heart:n.n:)

And now one of your authoresses must leave while the other one will pretend to do the work she has neglected for the last week or so…. O.O

What2callmyself

Titangirl161


	3. Third Chapter

August 4th, 2008

A/N: OMG, WTF?! What could have possibly possessed us to do this again after 3 years?? Instead of Vanilla Coke we are being influenced by alcohol (yes, all 32mm of it). This shall be fun. This will not end well.

SAY WHAT?! WE HAVE TO FIGHT WHO?! Chapter 3

_**-Last time…sort of-**_

Shizuru then smirked and dragged the still crying Kuwabara screaming and kicking away to bash his head in. …Ow.

**-Now-**

"Noooooo! Let me gooooo! I have to save my beautiful Yukina from herself! Wah!" Kuwabara wailed.

"What about me!?" The older Kuwabara proceeded to kick the younger in the head; "Your battle is with me now so pay attention!"

"Yukinaaaaaaaaaaa-----------!"

"You're not listening stupid!" Cue more pummeling. After taking a good deal of aggression out Shizuru smirked down at him. "Now stand up and face me like a man, punk!"

Kuwabara actually stopped wailing for Yukina for two whole seconds (yes two) to look up from his position on the floor and stutter indignantly, "B-But I can't fight you!! You're a girl!"

Shizuru deadpanned. "I'm destroying the world."

"Yeah---"

"I'm the enemy."

"Uh-huh."

"As in the bad guy?"

"And?"

"You're supposed to stop the bad guys, right?"

"Yes…."

"So stand up and fight me already!?!"

"NOO!"

"Dammit!! Why NOT?!"

"Because you're a girl! I can't fight girls! I'm an honorable man!"

"You're an idiot." And then this is when Shizuru had a brilliant thought. "Wait…there's another reason you don't want to fight me isn't there?"

Kuwabara looked almost afraid. With shifty eyes he replied not very convincingly, "Nooo…"

"Kazuma." Shizuru said pointedly.

"Yes?"

"_TELL ME!!!"_

Kuwabara screamed and cowered in fear. LOTS of fear. "Because you're a girl, b-but-but you're also my sister. MY OLDER SISTER! And no matter what you'll kick the crap out of me even more as soon as we get home!"

Shizuru gave a satisfied smirk, "This is why you are pussy whipped, (oh snap! Hit below the belt!) Why no one ever takes you seriously, (ouch! Two low blows!) And why everyone makes fun of you on fanfiction forums! (ugh, make that three!)"

Kuwabara simply could not take all the blows to his self-esteem and masculinity and curled into a ball, crying like a five-year-old girl.

Shizuru felt it was time to show her poor ears some mercy by putting Kuwabara out of his misery. She proceeded to bash his head in until unconsciousness was apparent. Then she decided to drag his lifeless (though not dead) body over to a corner and tie him to a tree.

Her job done, Shizuru clapped her hands to get the dirt and caked blood off her hands. "Today was a gratifying day." She gave one last look at her brother before walking and saying to no one in particular, "This match was won before it even started."

**--Moral of this chapter—**

Sibling rivalry is tough, very tough love. Also, older sisters just win. Period. …until that little brother you've been picking on all their life turns eighteen and is two hundred pounds of muscle looking for payback. That's the time to run away screaming. –Unless you are one Shizuru Kuwabara.

**A/N**: Man that was hard. Kuwabara did not make things easy for us since he refused to fight, and it is hard to write a fight scene without any fighting. Now we know the frustration. :(

**F.Y.I.** We really like Kuwabara actually. Really. Honestly. No joke. We will also admit it is extremely easy to make fun of him, and we simply couldn't resist. We blame whatever is messing with out caffeine levels.

_**Last Note**__: We hope to get another chapter out before three and half years pass. No promises though. :D_

_**Please Review?**_


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